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  As much as I want to let myself relent to his advances, something is still holding me back. And then the question arises that makes me even more fearful: How long will Jake be willing to wait for me until I make up my mind?

  I guess I have some more thinking to do, and sooner, rather than later.

  Chapter 45

  Jake

  “I don’t know if showing up tonight was such a good idea, Conner,” I chastise Dani’s brother as we throw the ball around in their backyard. After Conner showed us the improvement to his batting stance, we resorted to just throwing the ball around. His birthday dinner invitation was a surprise to me, but Conner assured me Dani would be okay with it.

  “Well, I kind of didn’t tell her you were coming,” he says wearily as he holds the ball in his glove.

  “Seriously? Dude, I’m trying to win your sister back, not push her further away!” A wave of irritation comes over me as I realize this could have done more harm than good.

  “You’re not going to. She might be angry with me, but it’s not your fault. Besides, the more time you spend together, the better, right?” Conner questions.

  “I think you’ll be fine, Jake,” Rocky chimes in while we pause our game of catch. “Lochlin is convinced it’s only a matter of time before she gives in any way.”

  “What makes her so sure? I feel like every time we’ve seen each other, she runs or reminds me of why she can’t be with me.”

  “Well, maybe if you let her know you can be together, she’ll warm up to the idea faster,” Rocky throws the words my way, my defensiveness rising immediately.

  “What do you mean? What’s going on?” Conner asks as we move to sit down at the patio table on the deck. It’s the perfect spring evening in March, just a week away from opening day. A slight breeze wafts through the air, rustling the shrubs along the house and the branches of newly sprouted leaves in the trees that line their fence. Purple and pink blooms fill the planters on the deck, bringing back the handful of memories I had from the first time I stepped foot into this yard.

  “I talked to Tim Donaldson, the team owner, about the idea of Dani and I dating, since she’s convinced that our jobs won’t allow us to be together again. He gave me his blessing, said he has no problem with it, but I kind of haven’t told your sister…” I whisper over at Conner, not wanting the girls to overhear inside.

  “What? Then why haven’t you told her?” He asks impatiently.

  “That’s what I said,” Rocky adds.

  I shake my head. “You guys don’t get it. I don’t want to tell her because then that would be the only reason she agrees to let me back in. Call me selfish, or crazy, or whatever else you want… but I want her to give in on her own, so I know that she’s willing to sacrifice everything else to be with me on her own accord, not because someone gave her permission. I need to know it was her idea…”

  The battle I’ve been fighting in my mind over telling her myself has kept me up at night all week. But the more I thought about it, the more I came to that realization. I want Dani to reach the decision on her own… to fight for what she wants for once. The woman has put everyone else first in her life. I want her to finally put her own selfish needs above all else, especially her need to be with me.

  “That’s kind of risky,” Rocky challenges, but I know in my gut, it’s the right thing to do.

  “Anything worth having is worth the risk,” I declare, just as Lochlin interrupts our conversation, forcing us to come inside to eat.

  The smell of the enchiladas, rice, and beans hits my nose and alerts my stomach to growl on command. Everyone gathers at the table and feasts while conversing about life and the upcoming season.

  “I actually have a game tomorrow night,” Conner says, a tinge of excitement in his voice. “Coach wants me to start on Varsity tomorrow… says he thinks I have what it takes to move up, but he wants me to prove myself.”

  “Oh my God, Conner!” Dani exclaims, dropping her fork with a clang against her plate to clap her hands together excitedly. “That’s incredible! Why didn’t you say anything?”

  Conner shrugs, his signature move besides the eye roll. “I didn’t want to make a big deal about it.”

  “But it is a big deal! I’m so proud of you, buddy!” She adds in, her voice full of emotion that I sense she’s holding back. I eye her from the side of me, where she sat of her own choice, and see the tears begin to well.

  “What is with all the women and the tears?” Conner teases, reaching for a box of Kleenex from the kitchen counter adjacent to the table.

  “Get used to it, Conner. Tears and women go hand in hand,” Rocky winks as he pulls an emotional Lochlin into his side.

  “You guys are acting like I’m dying, or something!” Conner rocks his head back and forth between the women.

  I instinctually reach my arm out to wrap around Dani’s shoulder, pulling her into my chest. She doesn’t fight me on it, which I take as a good sign.

  “It’s just everything, Conner. You’ve overcome so much, especially the last few months. Baseball has been exactly what you needed, and you can’t deny that. I’m just so proud of you and the young man you’re growing up to be. I may be your older sister, but you are the only family I have and I… I just…”

  Conner stands and pulls Dani up from her seat next to me, freeing her from my grip, to give her a tight hug. He whispers something in her ear, which I can’t make out, but the way she looks up at him when they part, and then over to me, makes me think he’s pushing her to make a decision where I’m concerned.

  After everyone is done eating and the table is cleared, Dani brings out the cake and ice cream. We sing the traditional tune, Conner blows out the candles, and then it’s time for presents.

  Dani presents Conner with an assortment of boxes and bags containing mostly clothes, shoes, and I-Tunes gift cards. Rocky and Lochlin gave him a few new video games and gift cards for the movies and clothing stores.

  Then it’s my turn.

  I present Conner with a box, wrapped delicately in a shimmery blue wrapping paper. Even my mom taught me that the presentation matters as much as the gift.

  “Be careful,” I warn him as he unravels the paper and tape and his breath catches once he sees what’s inside.

  Conner’s gasp echoes through the dining room as he admires the baseball encased in the glass box.

  “Is this… is this signed by the entire team?” He mutters, still in a little shock, I presume.

  “Yup. Rocky and I included.”

  “Holy shit! A baseball signed by the entire Rays team… I… I don’t even know what to say!” The smile plastered on Conner’s face was worth all time it took to get each player’s signature on it, including a few of the men that have retired in recent years.

  “Oh my God, Jake! This has to be worth…” Dani trails off with the same excitement as her brother.

  “Well, right now it’s probably not worth much. But once these guys retire and even die, yeah… it will be worth something.”

  “Gramps would have a heart attack if he saw this,” Conner declares, making the energy in the room shift. I turn to look at Dani and see even more tears stream down her face.

  “Yeah, he would,” she whispers to Conner as the two of them share a moment.

  “Wow. Thank you so much, Jake. This is, by far, the coolest gift I’ve ever received.”

  Conner stands and I follow him, meeting him around the table for a manly embrace.

  Dani stands and clears the emotion from her throat, just as Lochlin and Rocky declare they’re going to take off.

  We all gather at the front door to say our goodbyes, and once Rocky and Lochlin leave and Conner retreats to his room to find a safe place for his gift, the night leaves Dani and I alone at the front door.

  “Thank you so much for doing that for Conner, Jake,” she whispers, looking up at me with those chocolatey brown eyes I’ll never tire of seeing.

  “It was nothing. I just remember being young
er and freaking out every time I got a ball signed by someone famous. When I realized I play with an entire team of famous players, the idea took on a life of its own. Some signatures are so smashed together, but it’s still pretty legible.”

  Dani reaches out to cup my face, which makes the hairs on my arms and neck stand up, as well as my friend in my pants. She’s reaching for me, not the other way around. I can only hope this is a good sign.

  “It was perfect. I know I was surprised to see you tonight, but thank you for showing up for Conner. I’m sure it meant the world to him. And it meant a lot to me too.” She stands on her tiptoes, closing the distance between us and places a soft kiss on my cheek. My eyes close to savor her touch, knowing that even just this small gesture reeks of optimism.

  When she takes a step back as her hand falls from my face, I ache at the loss of our connection.

  “Dani…” I start, not sure of what to say.

  “What Jake?” She takes another step back.

  “Why are you backing away from me?”

  She shakes her head and looks away, back towards the inside of the house. “Because I don’t trust myself around you, Jake. I go back and forth in my head between what my heart wants and what my head is telling me. And until I can figure it out, I can’t be this close to you. It’s… it’s dangerous.”

  A little sliver of her walls crumbling shines through, which makes me think maybe I’m closer to having her again than I thought.

  “I understand. It kills me to be around you and not be able to touch you and kiss you. I feel like the ache in my chest will never go away.”

  She glances back at me as my words sink in.

  “But know this… I’m not going anywhere.”

  Her eyes stay frozen on mine, her hands crossed over her body in a protective shield. But she says nothing… and I don’t know if that’s good or bad.

  “Good night, Dani,” I finally say, breaking the silence and the standoff between us.

  As I begin my walk back down their sloped driveway to my truck, I hear her whisper softly, even though I’m sure she thought I couldn’t hear her.

  “Jake…”

  My name on her lips is more like a plea than a departing gesture, which makes me feel as though she is still struggling with her moral compass. And that’s okay, I remind myself. Because I know she’ll get there, eventually.

  Someday soon, she’ll be mine again.

  Chapter 46

  Dani

  It’s the night of the banquet and I feel like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. My red, mermaid-style ball gown hugs all of my curves, the deep V of my neckline highlighting my cleavage in a tasteful and classy way, the off-shoulder sleeves replicating the satin dress from the movie to a tee. My hair is pulled in a low chignon at the base of my neck, with a few loose tendrils cascading down around my face. My make-up is soft, yet dramatic enough for an evening event, and my heels give me a few inches in the height department, enough to make me feel powerful and in charge.

  On the outside, I may look put together, flawless, and in control.

  But on the inside, I’m a nervous wreck, hoping and praying I can make it through the evening, pulling off my biggest event since taking this job with the Rays, all while avoiding Jake long enough to keep an ounce of my professionalism. Seeing him dressed up tonight might just be the death of me.

  “Guests are checking in, Dani,” Tiffany informs me as she comes up to my side, dressed in a navy blue ball gown, her long brown hair curled in loose waves.

  PR has quickly taken a back seat as I’ve stepped up my marketing game and event planning to change the face of the organization, the intent of my position in the first place. And tonight’s banquet to mark the beginning of the season has taken so much time and energy over the past few weeks, the feeling of accomplishment I have in my chest makes all the stress feel worth it as I scan the room and relish in my hard work clearly paying off.

  “Perfect. The bars are open and ready and appetizers should be coming out any minute,” I reply, surveying the room to make sure everything and everyone is exactly where they should be.

  I peruse the room around me, decorated in pure white---white tablecloths, white seat covers, white candles, and white flowers---with soft orange blooms scattered around and dawn-colored lighting to highlight the colors of the team. Orange is not my favorite color, so it was difficult to achieve an ambiance that was team-appropriate, and yet elegant, but I think I executed it well. The outcome is truly beautiful.

  “The room looks spectacular,” Tim Donaldson comes up behind me, grinning from ear to ear, his black tux and bowtie sparkling in the light. “This is, by far, the most regal banquet we’ve ever had.”

  “Well, the increase in the budget you gave me helped, plus the new sponsors we acquired this year suggested we needed to step up our game. But thank you. I’m very pleased with the way it turned out.”

  “You also look stunning, Danielle,” he compliments me as his wife weaves her arm through his.

  “Thank you. Hello, Maggie. You look beautiful tonight,” I greet her, having met her more than a time or two since I started this job.

  “Likewise, Dani. I’m sure you’ll have quite a few sets of eyes on you this evening,” she winks just as I notice the only eyes I care about on the man I want more than anything walking into the hotel across the room.

  Jake Calhoun has arrived, striding into the ballroom at the Hilton Hotel, as players and team affiliates start to meander their way inside, filling the space quickly, the sounds in the room buzzing with excitement.

  He’s wearing a black tux, clean and crisp, reeking confidence and sex. I lock my eyes on him, blatantly unaware of everything going on around me---the only thing in my sights is the sexy-as-sin man striding up to me.

  My vagina clenches at the sight of him---such a rugged man normally covered in dirt and sweat---but tonight, he shines like a new penny, and it only makes my heart beat more erratically for him, my entire body scream in frustration, my soul shatter in a thousand pieces of heartbreak.

  And then he stops when he sees me up close, his hand coming up to his chest to still his heart. I feel myself copy the same movement as he shakes his head, his eyes scanning over me from head to toe, the slight grin of mischief turning up on the corners of his mouth.

  This past week has been torture with seeing him at the stadium, but avoiding him nonetheless. I’d catch myself gazing off at the field, dumbstruck and salivating over the man I desperately want, but can’t have.

  During our meeting for the banquet and schedule of events for the season, I’m sure everyone in the room could feel the sexual tension between us. Jake’s eyes never left me as I stood in the front of the room full of every important person tied to the OC Rays. But sadly, I was left to my own resolve as I left the meeting more frustrated than I was at the beginning.

  And then when he showed up to Conner’s birthday dinner with his gift, that baseball signed by every member of the team… I knew I was a goner. Something inside of me snapped, forcing me to realize that maybe this man is worth fighting for. Maybe he is worth risking everything to feel safe in his arms once again.

  When I watched Conner play his first Varsity baseball game the next day---the pure look of contentment on his face---I realized that most of my reasons for avoiding my own happiness have been at the expense of his. My brother has been my sole focus for the past three years, and I wouldn’t change that decision for anything. He obviously needed me, but I put my own life on hold to invest in his. And seeing him yesterday take on a role that he was born to play, seeing him find his footing in his own life, made me realize that maybe it’s time I get to find mine.

  I know that ceasing my reunion with Jake before it started was the right thing to do for both of us, but it doesn’t make me like the decision any more than I have to. Jake and I are combustible, sure to destroy any and everything in our path if we give in to the pull we feel toward one another.

  I know how wrapped up
in him I was before, and now being older and a bit wiser, I’m cautious to think that the two of us together won’t be even more explosive now.

  Time has brought us back together.

  Coincidence prevailed.

  But our path is still different.

  My head is telling me this can’t work.

  But my heart is telling me to give in.

  As the internal war I’m fighting keeps me busy, I notice Jake glide towards me, so I turn and excuse myself with the claim of needing to check on my duties for the evening.

  “Enjoy your time, you guys. I’ll see you around in a bit,” I wink before storming off as quickly as my heels will allow, once again playing the avoidance game to keep myself in control.

  One wrong move, one brush of our skin on skin, and I know I’ll spin out of control.

  “Dani!” I hear my name from the left, twisting to find Rocky and Lochlin striding up to me. Lochlin is decked out in a skin-tight black gown, her hair down around her face with no colored tips in sight, her body dripping with diamonds from her ears and neck, and Rocky is lethal in his black-on-black tux.

  “Damn, you two clean up nice!” I gleam, reaching over to hug my best friend. “Nice rocks,” I gesture to Lochlin’s jewelry as she reaches up to adjust her necklace and I notice one rock on her hand that wasn’t there before.

  “Holy shit, Loch! Is that what I think it is?” I reach out and pull her hand to my face, examining the enormous rock on her left ring finger.

  She nods excitedly before finally answering me. “Yes! We’re engaged!” She shouts, the entire room turning to see her break out in emotion and then pull Rocky into her for a passionate kiss.

  “Oh my God! How come I’m just now finding out about this?” I chastise my best friend once she parts from her fiancé, the entire room erupting in applause and cheers.

  “It just happened before we left. I knew I would see you here, so I held off for twenty minutes. Sue me,” she rolls her eyes, her smile still a mile wide.