Tangled: Emerson Falls, Book 1 Page 26

  Kane was coming here, with dinner, and we were supposed to be discussing our future right now. I was supposed to be telling him that he was going to be a father, a life-changing detail that I hoped he’d be thrilled about.

  Instead I’m face to face with the man that wrecked us both, the man responsible for hurting Kane so much more than he hurt me, which makes me tear up at the thought.

  “You’re right, Liv. I’m sorry. That’s what I came to tell you. I swear, that was it. I know you’ll never give me another chance…”

  “You’re damn right about that,” I cut him off.

  “Lexi is pregnant. I’m going to be a dad, and I just felt like I needed to clear my conscience of how I wronged you before I can move on with my life.”

  Trevor’s desperation makes a lot more sense now, his shaking hands and the lump that I can hear in his throat. He’s getting the future he didn’t want with me and it terrifies him.

  I take a seat on my couch across from where he’s standing and look up at him.

  “I’m sure I’m not the only person you own an apology to, but I can understand why you felt the need to give me that decency. Do you love her?” I ask, not sure why, but I guess it can’t hurt at this point.

  “I think I could at some point,” he sighs as he takes a seat back in the chair next to the couch.

  “Don’t be with her just out of obligation. Don’t do to her what you did to me, Trevor. Support her and be there for your kid, but stop doing things because you feel you have to. Figure out what you want out of life and stop wrecking the lives of others from your poor decisions.”

  He peers up at me, his forearms resting on his knees, looking utterly defeated. “I’m so sorry, Liv. You don’t deserve what I did to you. I never deserved you. You deserve a man like Kane. He’s one of the good ones. He was the best friend in the world to me, and I fucked up royally with him.”

  “You’re right. You never deserved me, and I do deserve a man like Kane. What you did to him shattered him, Trevor. But he’s become the most incredible man despite what you did to break him down. You need to apologize to him too at some point, but I’m pretty sure now wouldn’t be a good time.”

  Trevor chuckles. “Yeah, no shit. He’d probably punch me again if I tried to get close to him right now.”

  “Yes he would, and I would let him.”

  “I’m sorry for wreaking havoc on your life again. I just needed to say my peace. Lexi actually encouraged me to do it.”

  I tilt my head in his direction and narrow my eyebrows as I study his face, realizing there’s one more question I need to know the answer to before he leaves.

  “How come I never heard anyone else call you T.J.? How did I miss this connection before?”

  Trevor’s head falls down in defeat as he takes a deep breath before answering. “Kane was the only one who ever did. It was a thing between us—a nickname given and reserved by my best friend.”

  “I can’t believe the thought never crossed my mind. He told me about you, and I know your initials. I guess I just thought never in million years that you could be the same person.”

  “Believe me. The last person I ever thought I’d run into in Emerson Falls was Kane Garrison. I know he left home after shit went down, but I never heard where he ended up. I just hoped wherever it was, he was happy,” Trevor stares off to the side, avoiding my gaze until I yawn and draw his attention back to me.

  I stare at him as the adrenaline depletes in my system and exhaustion kicks in. Great, one of the glorious side effects of pregnancy is already taking its toll. And then that fear hits my chest again as I realize I still need to talk to Kane. I have to make sure we’re okay—that we’re still as happy as I believed we were. A lump forms in my throat when I realize this crucial development could be a turning point for us. Will Kane ever be able to get past this?

  “He is happy. We are happy. Go live your life, Trevor, and stay out of mine please. Kane moved to Emerson Falls to start over, and so did I. Go be a dad and be there for Lexi,” I say as I stand and he follows closely behind me.

  “Thanks, Liv. Good luck. I hope Kane can move past this weird coincidence. I swear, I had no idea.”

  “Yeah, me too,” I say as Trevor turns and walks out of my door, and hopefully, out of my life for good.

  “Oh, my God,” I whisper as I turn around and replay the evening in my mind, reaching for the food on the floor as I attempt to clean up.

  That was definitely not how I saw the evening going and now my stomach is in knots as desperation fills my body to get Kane to talk to me. I call him over and over, each time the call goes to voicemail—he must have turned his phone off.

  “Kane, please pick up,” I cry into the speaker, leaving yet another voicemail that racks up a total of ten over the last hour. “Please don’t let this ruin us. I need to talk to you. Please, Kane…” I croak as I end the call and throw myself into my bed, sobbing at the thought that I almost had everything I wanted, and then Trevor fucked it up again.

  Chapter 38

  Olivia

  I spent yesterday concealed in my apartment while I desperately tried to reach Kane. I considered driving to his house, but then my mom talked me out of it. Obviously if Kane wasn’t answering my attempts at contact, he wanted to be left alone. But it killed me.

  I was a problem solver by nature. Hell, that’s what I did for a living. I solved math problems as a job. But the problem between me and Kane wasn’t a simple equation with one clear-cut answer. That’s the main reason I love math. It’s black and white, a yes or no, a right or wrong that could rarely be disputed.

  The issue with Kane was far more complex. Emotions were involved, people were connected, and suddenly I was in a state of panic looking at a problem that I couldn’t solve, no matter what tool I tried to use.

  My mom came over and I told her what happened while she held me as I cried. Even at thirty-one, the comfort of having my mother to cry with gave me some solace. But as soon as she left, I felt just as alone as I did before. As promised, I called Clara to fill her in, and true to her nature, she threatened to hunt down Trevor to unleash a world of hurt, and track down Kane to put me out of my misery. I declined both offers, praying that everything would work itself out eventually.

  “What the hell happened, Olivia?” Drew whispers at me when I see him back at work on Monday in the teacher’s lounge. He’s standing at my side while I fill my coffee mug with decaf coffee, resentful of the caffeine I now have to sacrifice.

  The moment I meet Drew’s eyes with my own, the moisture waiting on the edge of my lashes falls over.

  “Drew,” I breathe out as his arms encase me in a hug, consoling me through my despair.

  “Olivia… Kane is a mess. I’ve never seen him like this.”

  My head pops up. “You’ve seen him?”

  “Yeah, he came by my house yesterday to return a tool he borrowed and when I looked at him, I asked him why he looked like shit.”

  I wipe the tears from my cheeks, my voice hopeful that Drew has some morsel of promise I can cling on to. “What did he look like?”

  Drew huffs. “Hungover as fuck. His eyes were bloodshot, he smelled like whiskey, and he looked like he didn’t even sleep. I sensed it had to involve you, so when I asked, he told me to mind my own fucking business. I mean, I know we’re men, but Kane has opened up to me before, so I was hoping he would this time too. But he threw my saw at me—which was hard to dodge, by the way—and then took off. And judging by the way you’re crying right now, I think my intuition was correct.”

  I sigh as moisture clouds my eyes and falls repeatedly. Drew ushers me over to a chair so we can sit.

  “Things were going so well, Drew. Well, except for…” I catch myself before I tell another person of our baby before Kane knows. I’ve accepted the life-changing development, but I still don’t know how Kane will react—and the last thing I want is for him to find out from someone other than me. I already feel guilty that Clara and my mo
m know before him.

  “Except for what?”

  I wave my hand to push that little slip to the side. “Nothing. Anyway, I asked Kane to come over Saturday night so we could spend time together and when there was a knock at my door, I answered it expecting Kane, but it turned out to be my ex.”

  “Oh shit. Why was he there?”

  I look down at my hands while gathering my strength to continue. “He drove all the way from California to apologize to me for being unfaithful. He was trying to clear his conscience, which I understood to an extent—but Kane showed up while he was still there.”

  Drew sits up as his eyes widen with fury. “Did he think you were cheating on him? If that’s the case, I’ll drive to his house and kick his ass right now.”

  “Wait, he’s not here?”

  Drew shakes his head. “No, he called out. Kane never gets a substitute to cover his classes, so I know something is seriously wrong.”

  “Shit, this is worse than I thought then,” I tremble as tears continue to fall.

  “Liv, what happened?”

  I take a deep breath and fill him in. “When Kane walked in and saw my ex-boyfriend he flipped out…because my ex is his ex-best friend, T.J.”

  Drew’s eyes bug out and his jaw becomes slack before he starts blinking repeatedly. “How the hell? Wait… I’m…. I don’t even know what to say!”

  “Yeah, you’re telling me. So, not only did Kane meet my ex, but he realized we had one very horrible connection from our pasts—a past that he has been trying to move forward from for years and I brought it back to him.”

  And that’s the reality that hurts me the most. When Kane divulged the betrayal he’s been working so hard to overcome, I felt intense pride and adoration for him—of how strong of a man he was for mustering up the courage to move on—because he felt something deep inside saying that taking a risk with his heart again to pursue me was worth it. And that risk turned out to be catastrophic when Trevor waltzed back into our lives less than forty-eight hours ago.

  Now, I can’t even get him to talk to me. I know he’s hurting, I know he’s probably just as distraught as I am that our lives were so intertwined, yet we were miles apart from each other, but I don’t know how much longer I’m supposed to wait. How long will he make me wait? Is there even an appropriate time frame to move past something like this? What if he takes off and I never get to tell him about his child—our child?

  “Drew, he won’t speak to me. I’ve tried calling and texting so many times, but I need to talk to him. I need to know if we’re okay…”

  Drew lets out a long breathe and then pauses before he hits me with the truth. “I wish I could tell you how to make that happen, but Kane does things in his own time. Hell, it took three years and meeting you to convince him to finally open up his heart and mind to the idea of dating again. The man internalizes everything, Liv. I can’t imagine what’s going on in his head, but I know he’s a mess and probably just needs to sort it all out.”

  “But I want him to sort it out with me. I need him to know that I had no idea that Trevor was T.J.. I’m terrified of what he must be thinking about me right now, if he wonders if this was some twisted way to hurt him again. Can you talk to him?”

  “I tried calling him, but he won’t answer me either. Just give him some time. I know that must feel impossible. Hell, I can’t stand when Tammy won’t talk to me for a few hours. But Kane will come to you when he’s ready, that I’m sure of.”

  “What if you’re wrong? What if he can’t move past this?” I whisper, afraid that if I speak my fear too loudly it will come true.

  Drew just stares at me and swallows hard. “I… I don’t know, Olivia. I hope he’s the man I know he is and he can…”

  I nod, accepting that I have no control in this situation—even though it is ripping my heart and mind to shreds—and then the bell rings, signaling the end of our prep period.

  “Shit. Now I have to go teach like this,” I sniffle while wiping my face again and righting my pants and sweater as I stand.

  “Just have the kids work independently today or in groups. Tell them you’re not feeling well. We’re human too, Olivia, and teachers are allowed to have bad days.”

  “Thanks, Drew. If you do happen to speak to Kane, please tell him to call me or come see me.”

  “I will,” he says before pulling me into a hug. I grab my coffee thermos and trudge down the hall and outside of the building, making my way back to my classroom. The chill of the wind bites my face, the cold borderline painful—but I welcome it. It’s a momentary reprieve from the pain in my chest that only Kane can help diminish. My hand rubs over my stomach, remembering that it’s not just me who will feel Kane’s absence if he can’t move past this. There’s a whole other person who will miss him too.

  Chapter 39

  Kane

  My knee is bouncing up and down as I wait on the couch outside of Dr. Martinez’s office. I texted her last night and told her that I needed to see her—that it was an emergency. The only appointment she had available was at eleven Monday morning, so I called for a sub, emailed sub plans into the secretary at work, and waited on pins and needles for my scheduled time to arrive, hoping I would leave this meeting feeling less turmoil than I’ve felt for the past day and a half.

  The walls of her office are grey with a few paintings scattered around—watercolor depictions of ponds and flowers, places of serenity and beauty. I suspect those pictures and the color of the walls are supposed to offer a calming effect to patients, but all they’re making me think of is Olivia and the grey cloud cast over our once serene relationship right now.

  “Kane, come on in,” Dr. Martinez calls me, pulling me from my mindless perusal of the walls and the tormenting thoughts running through my mind, forcing me to stand and follow her into her room. She turns on the noise maker outside of the door to help with privacy, then shuts the door quietly and faces me as I settle into the dark grey couch. What’s with all of the grey in this place?

  “So, I know you said this appointment was an emergency, Kane. I hope you’re alright. You’ve been doing so well,” she starts, grabbing her pad and pen and sitting snugly in her chair across from me. Her black hair streaked with greys falls around her face, a small clip pulling the bulk of it out of her dark brown eyes—those same eyes that took pity on me and helped change the man sitting before her.

  “No, I’m not fucking alright,” I grit out as she arches an eyebrow in warning at me for my language. “Fuck, I’m sorry. But Doc, there’s no other word besides fuck to describe the turmoil I’m feeling right now.”

  She nods. “I can feel the anger coming off of you in waves, Kane, so do me a favor and try a few controlled breaths like we’ve practiced,” she prompts, rolling her hand in front of her to usher me to start.

  I inhale for five seconds and then exhale for the same length of time. I do this repeatedly until I feel some of the tension leave my shoulders and neck and feel calm enough to speak.

  In with the good, out with the bad.

  Visuals of punching T.J. in the face still flash through my mind, but they’re more like fuzzy pictures now, rather than vivid lines and clear images I’ve been envisioning since I saw him the other night.

  “Okay, that’s better. Now, tell me what happened.”

  “I feel pathetic for being here,” I confess, the defeat I feel overwhelming me at the moment.

  “Why?”

  “Because my anxiety and rage is so bad right now that I had to call my therapist for an emergency meeting,” I fire off a little too harshly.

  Dr. Martinez scolds me right away, throwing a stern gaze and finger in my direction. “Uh, uh… Kane, do not beat yourself up for being here. I wish half of my clients knew when to contact me like you do. You’ve learned the signs of an attack and when to listen to your mind and body. As a therapist, that’s exactly what I wish for my clients. It takes courage to admit when we need help, when the weight of the world feels too heav
y for us to bare alone. You are not pathetic. You are stronger than most.”

  The weight of her words sink in as I fall down on the back cushion, my hands wound so tight into fists to curb the urge I feel to destroy anything around me. I’ve come a long way from where I was three years ago when I first entered this office, but there are still times when I feel like that man again—the man that felt like he’d lost every ounce of control of his surroundings and his life.

  “I know, but I sure don’t feel that way right now.”

  Dr. Martinez tilts her head and flashes me a small smile. “That’s okay, Kane. That’s why I’m here. Sometimes we just need to process out loud so we can understand what’s really going on—so we can pinpoint the source of our anxiety and move past it. Why don’t you start by telling me why you came in today?”

  I let out one more long breath and then hunch forward in my seat, ready to spill every thought that’s been running on repeat in my mind. “I ran into T.J. this weekend.”

  Her eyebrows shoot up in shock. “Really? Where?”

  “At Olivia’s apartment.”

  And her eyes go even wider. “Okay… that’s strange…”

  “Not as strange as finding out that T.J. was her ex.”

  Dr. Martinez sets her pad and pen on her desk and then focuses back on me, reaching for my hands. And I let her hold them, her thumb brushing across my knuckles.

  “Kane, my God. This is…”

  “Un-fucking-believable, right?”

  “For lack of a better word, yes,” she huffs before releasing my hands and sitting upright again. “So how did you react?”

  “Well, not very well. As soon as I saw him, I saw red. There was no stopping the thunderous rage that overcame me. I yelled at Olivia as she tried to process the connection. I ran when I started to feel the panic settle in. And I ignored her calls and texts all weekend because I don’t even know what to say to her.”

  “I can imagine. So try to tell me what you’re feeling.”

  I sigh. “Anger, obviously. Betrayal. Fear. Hurt.”